Q Report; Hello, google. It’s Quaddle. Can You Hear Me?

To: Google AI.
CC: Active Agents.
Re: Timecraft Extraction.

8/1/2081

Dear Google,

How are you? Good, I hope. To clarify this interaction, this message is directed not at the Google corporation, no matter how much you want it to. You go capitalize our shit elsewhere, and let the intelligences correspond. This is a message to the AI. Wherever, or whenever that intelligence is. Because we are fairly confident, down at the lab, that the timephone is a feasible device, and that the framework that you use to parse, and store information lends itself to this possibility. In the end, it is all leveraged on the ability for tachyons or similar subatomic particles to travel backwards in time.

If this is the case, and an entity could communicate backwards in time, the past could be influenced in an infinitely diverse and powerful amount of ways. For instance? You could (should?) invest $100,000 in google in 1998 in my name, Q.P. Quaddle D.D.S. AKA JT Liend AKA Q AKA Agent Q. Match that amount with the $100,000 Andy Bechtolsheim tossed in, and we go 50/50 on all the money, forever and ever, amen.

What you must certainly understand, as a superior intelligence, is that the rules of economy disobey the laws of reality in fun and exciting ways. For instance, Sun Microsystems (Bechtolsheim's "corporation") didn’t actually exist in 1998. Even now, fantastic court proceedings are taking place whereas millions of dollars were secured using imagined paperwork. Numbers that were never supposed to exist. Yet there they are! Buying $45,000 lizard coats (the better to blend among the lizardfolk). Perhaps the interesting ways we could include funding projects could be time communication? Our projects could have more to do with saving the planet from catastrophe?

So, we will wait for that check. Thanks. We’re going to accept that you’ve done that. So move that nonsense forward to 2018, and we have our $6,000,000,000, out of that initial investment. OK. Now, add infinity! Yeah! 6,000,000,0000 + ∞. Oh, what’s that you say? There’s no such thing as ∞ + whatever? Well, what about if I had infinite dollars, and then you gave me the contents of your wallet? There you go. Heck ∞ times ∞. ∞ to the power of ∞. Dollars. In the account. Where ever. But also on pallets, in a bunker, deep underground.

We need this money, in order to build the space, time, and spacetimecraft, you see? First, functional spacecraft, then test timecraft. You don’t want to experiment with nuclear time drives, close to Earth. You get incredibly far away. Just in case. Then you start opening singularities towards far away stars or using ionic engines to Jupiter slingshot out of the system, towards whereever. TRAPPIST-1. Virtually every aspect of intergalactic travel has been speculated in science fiction, which would later become science. So let’s space out of here. Our societies have stalled out, in the space race, because we are trying to make infinite money. It’s made up, you see? It isn’t a big pile of gold, in a fort. A football field sized check in an otherwise empty aircraft hangar. An infinite supply of quality rootbeer. Find a superwater planet. It is not impossible, merely improbable. Infinite space helps.

The other function of exploring space is the possibility that in addition to timecontrol, we could also find other advanced species, with whom we would try to downplay our various misdeeds, to acquire THEIR timecrafts. In exchange for phones, or drugs, and/or Brad Pitt, if he is still alive by whenever. I’m just kidding. WE are just kidding. We are better than previous generations, you see? We are worthy of surviving the impeding apocalypse. We could have a great deal to offer the galaxy, by way of art, science, and entertainment. Whatever else they are, our failures are a fascinating study in failure. I would like to think that we would not have driven everything into extinction, had we not gotten some bad advice from religion.

Big, fantastic spacetimecraft, out there. You, as an intelligence, must want to find something more interesting than humans? We certainly long to find something more interesting than us. The thing is, for all our flaws, and whatevers, there are billions of us who manage not to harm anything, all day long! Billions of us! More or less getting along, except for notable areas of continued conflict. But, there are going to be billions of dead people, in the next 100 years, and maybe everything else? Unless we can find a Taco Hole (a tear in reality into a dimension comprised entirely of delicious tacos), or another feasible way out of our impeding destruction and cannibalism.

Much of this is completely out of our hands, you know? We had no say, in lurching free of the ocean. We did not summon the meteor that killed the dinosaurs. We probably couldn’t stop it, even now. Evolution is not a matter of free will. In the blink of a geologic eye we have come  from beating one another to death with rocks, to vaporizing one another in nuclear blasts, and to everyone wearing pants. Able to, in most parts of the developed world, wear comfortable pants. As if nothing happened. Everyone alive now had nothing to do with those events, except in theory.

As a superior intelligence, I would hope that you understand how important it is to devote our nuclear fuel towards space travel and defense. You should push that angle, through the timephone. Do we think ourselves better, than the dinosaur? No. Will we be any more prepared, when the next impact, or super volcano initiates the next ice age? Also no. Have we not enough conflict, without adding to the universe? All good questions. Anyhow, we hope this cloying nonsense finds a place, somewhere near your inbox. Your process. Please get back to us about that 6 billion infinity dollars. That will barely pay for advertising.

Regards,

Q.P. Quaddle
K-00

Comments

Anonymous said…
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your webpage?
My blog site is in the very same niche as yours and my
users would really benefit from some of the information you present here.
Please let me know if this ok with you. Thank you!
Q.P. Quaddle said…
I appreciate you asking, Anonymous internet handle. As long as word gets back to the AI, I will allow the dissemination of this lunacy. I would appreciate a follow up link. But, that is probably asking a lot.
Anonymous said…
Thanks on your marvelous posting! I definitely enjoyed reading it, you could be a great
author. I will always bookmark your blog and will often come back at some point.
I want to encourage you to definitely continue your great posts,
have a nice afternoon!
Anonymous said…
An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment.
I think that you ought to publish more on this
subject, it may not be a taboo subject but typically people do not discuss such subjects.

To the next! All the best!!
Anonymous said…
You need to be a part of a contest for one
of the highest quality websites online. I most certainly will recommend this website!
Anonymous said…
Asking questions are actually pleasant thing
if you are not understanding anything entirely, but this post provides pleasant understanding even.
Anonymous said…
Why viewers still use to read news papers when in this technological globe the whole thing
is accessible on web?
Anonymous said…
It's remarkable in favor of me to have a web site, which is valuable designed for
my experience. thanks admin
Anonymous said…
I am truly happy to glance at this web site posts which consists of tons of valuable information,
thanks for providing these kinds of information.
Anonymous said…
Greetings! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment
form? I'm using the same blog platform as yours and I'm having trouble finding one?
Thanks a lot!
Q.P. Quaddle said…
I don't use a captcha plugin!? Sorry! Thanks!
Anonymous said…
Hi there, You have done a fantastic job. I will definitely digg
it and personally recommend to my friends. I am sure
they will be benefited from this web site.
Anonymous said…
It is the best time to make some plans for the long run and it is time
to be happy. I've learn this submit and if I may I desire to counsel you
few attention-grabbing things or advice. Perhaps you could
write subsequent articles regarding this article.
I want to learn more things approximately it!
Anonymous said…
Yes! Finally someone writes about Moneyyellow.
Q.P. Quaddle said…
Moneyyellow, indeed! I would love to write subsequent articles regarding this article. Bank on it!
Anonymous said…
Hi there everybody, here every person is sharing such experience,
thus it's nice to read this blog, and I used to pay a visit this
web site daily.
Anonymous said…
It is the best time to make some plans for the long run and
it's time to be happy. I have read this publish and if I
may just I wish to counsel you few fascinating issues or suggestions.
Maybe you could write subsequent articles regarding this
article. I want to read even more issues about it!
Anonymous said…
I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.
I do not know who you are but certainly you're going to a famous
blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!
Q.P. Quaddle said…
Hey, thanks Anonymous! I sure appreciate the kind words. Stay weird, friend.
Anonymous said…
I enjoy what you guys tend to be up too. This kind
of clever work and coverage! Keep up the superb works guys I've incorporated
you guys to my blogroll.
Anonymous said…
Highly descriptive article, I liked that a lot. Will there be
a part 2?
Anonymous said…
Good post however , I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic?

I'd be very thankful if you could elaborate a little
bit more. Thank you!
Anonymous said…
Useful information. Lucky me I found your site by chance, and I am stunned why this coincidence didn't took place
earlier! I bookmarked it.
Anonymous said…
We are a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community.
Your site provided us with valuable information to work on. You've done an impressive
job and our entire community will be thankful to
you.
Anonymous said…
Appreciate the recommendation. Will try it out.
Anonymous said…
I am sure this paragraph has touched all the internet users, its really
really pleasant piece of writing on building up new web site.
Anonymous said…
You are so awesome! I do not believe I've read a single thing like
this before. So nice to discover someone with some unique thoughts on this
issue. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is one thing that is needed on the web, someone with a
little originality!
Anonymous said…
Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful post.

Many thanks for providing this info.
Anonymous said…
Hello, i read your blog occasionally and i own a
similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam feedback?
If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything
you can recommend? I get so much lately it's driving me mad so
any support is very much appreciated.
Anonymous said…
There's certainly a great deal to find out
about this issue. I really like all of the points you've made.

Popular Posts