Q Report; Concession ‘22

To: Agents, Anons, et. all

From: Q (K 00)

Re: DFL Endorsement 2022


Hello All, 

It was a glorious suicide attack on normality. A brazen disclosure among uncomfortable rooms. A plan no responsible campaign manager would ever recommend. We all likely got COVID. As I remember it now, 1008 years later, it strikes me as miraculously funny how many times one can claim to be the Time Messiah without a follow up question. It was not to be. The system would not have it. Ours was not to win that day in 2022, but rather to stand and deliver. To show one and all that we were not afraid. That we had not relented in our quest for a better world. That we were willing to use any tool at our disposal to humanely achieve victory. To serve. It was, of course, a nightmarish beating. 

Eastern philosophy sometimes divides the self into body, mind, and spirit, and encourages a balance and harmony of these forces. I dig this philosophy. Sometimes my mind tells me to do something. Sometimes my heart. Sometimes my gut. Whatever they tell me to do I am at their disposal, and ideally everyone is heading in the same direction. But sometimes they do not head in the same direction. Sometimes something the mind explains to us as logical and necessary hurts our heart. Strains our spirit. These hard incongruities that shift and alter our trajectories in this insane death trap we call Earth. Sometimes you need to feed that brain a shut up sandwich and check in with those other forces.

I remember when the only functional means of time travel was memory and how I marveled at our unaugmented ability to recall the past. It is such a vital tool in our dangerous world. Don’t touch that hot thing. Don’t play with that vibrantly colored snake. Don’t eat those blood red berries. But I also wonder at what point the mind reaches a limit of things to know? Surely we were never meant to know about all of this crazy stuff? World history, current events, pub trivia, recipes, sports figures, famous last words, to say nothing of future events. Political science!?!? Surely for the majority of human society, say going back 100,000 years, we didn’t know most of this wild stuff. We were blissful in our mass ignorance. Ignorance may be bliss but unfortunately I can’t walk away from a good train wreck. 

We are all going to be OK, all. I want you to know that. From here in the glorious future let me tell you, it’s all much better. We’ve cured all disease. There is no poverty or war. The human lifespan is limited only by your capacity for boredom, forever reaching towards that outer limit of human memory. Pushing the envelope of transhuman longevity. There are some things we can’t fix. For some reason we just can’t get rid of commercials. We created this robotic egalitarian utopia but these grandfathered corporate conglomerates still demand their breakfast cereal wars, so we allow it. With real warfare outlawed it's a kind of obligatory sociopolitical pressure release. Captain Crunch or Die.

Here is the truth. Some confessions in this report; I didn’t want to door knock all summer. I didn’t want to sit through dozens of endorsement screenings. Forums. I didn’t want to miss my children growing up to try saving a world that doesn’t want me to. Not that way, anyhow. And it is fine. It was always an insane gamble. An outside angle of attack. A reckless dream. It is gone now, but not forgotten.  

My political ambitions ended that day and for good reason. How close we had come to discovery. No no. Beyond learning to enjoy losing, we must find warmth in the shadows. We must find sanctity in anonymity. We must find comfort in releasing our destinies into the great river of time. This is the way of our Guild. The way of our path. We are all of us confused stardust at different hilarious points of transition, moving towards the same glorious nexus. Until then my friends, be well. 

1 ∞  <3



What the hell is a Q-Report?

Who wrote this awful nonsense?


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