World War Trump.
After Donald Trump led a successful second coup he was quick to undo the mistakes of the past. Media? Executed. Detainees? Sterilized. List of enemies? Gitmoed. Ginny Thomas was 1,000% correct (eventually) and barges of people bobbed in the Bay of Pigs, awaiting their live Truth Social broadcast tribunal/hanging. Things couldn’t have gone better for him. Trump was making money hand over fist, driving his foes before him like chaff before a terrible storm, and making it to poop on the potty at least 1 out of 3 times a day. Except Arby’s day (of course) when no effort was made to escape the simmering confines of his adult(?) diaper.
All in all there were over 6 million deaths, 100 million wounded, countless rapes, millions of refugees, and the MAGA Empire is still in a state of perpetual war. In terms of global response, Germany is still building a gigantic wall around itself. Israel and Iran are in a Cold War, with a hot war every third year (coordinated with the Olympics). Saudi Arabia is a fascist theocracy. Still. Japan is still working on a giant robot. Mexico is a safe haven for illegal (USA) immigrants, and a giant (fabulous) drug market. The Caribbean is a series of pirates. Again.
And that’s just the beginning. The Empire has an economy of a bazillion dollars a year, so its resources are nearly infinite. It is a permanent war economy. So it makes sense, for America the Empire of the Potty, to build the most potty, the most elaborate.
So let’s have a look at the Trump Potty, and its history. Let’s also see what we can learn for the future from this glorious monument of pottydom.
The Trump Potty:
The Trump Potty is the most recent (2016) example of the most basic and iconic style of American potty, the ‘Trump Potty’ or ‘Presidential Potty’. It has 4 distinct parts:
The Base: The base is just the basic ‘potty’. As you can see there’s a hole for that, what’s that hole for? Yes, for pee, and pee only.
The Throne: The throne is quite impressive. It has two distinct features. Firstly, it has a huge base with a drain in the back for washing your hands (the same goes for the seat below). This feature should really be obvious. As for the second, it’s a throne, a throne of gold. With the gold throne you’re saying, ‘I am the emperor of all I survey’, or to translate that to Trump Potty terms, ‘I am the leader of the free world’. And as a further example of symbolism, notice the giant ‘USA’ flag at the back. The flag says ‘Make America Great Again’, and it is just as accurate as a potty can be. It is what it was made for, and what it says.
The Seat: The seat is the most iconic part of the potty. It is the thing that says the most. The seat says ‘President’. It is also the ‘toilet seat’, as it says on the back ‘The seat is very big and very expensive’. And that’s the point. You sit down to pee and poop and you say ‘I’m the President of America’. Very nice, Potty. Very nice indeed. A ‘perfect toilet’, to quote Trump himself.
The Walls: In addition to the potty parts, the Trump Potty has some walls. It has the walls to keep you away from the bad people. The best way to see these walls is to look at the back. It’s a lot of gold. Not just a bit, a lot of gold. Enough to build your house out of gold. There’s lots of gold and they have ‘No Trespassing’ and ‘Stop Here’ all over them. In addition, there is a giant, beautiful, presidential seal. (The only one). And to complete the set, there are a lot of walls.
The Trump Potty also has ‘No Entry’ signs everywhere. Just to make sure you don’t get in. It’s as if the Trump Potty was erected to let everyone know ‘this is the greatest potty ever and I’m the president of the greatest potty ever’. Now that’s Presidential Potty. Now that’s Potty Pottery.
This potty is probably not the first. In fact, it probably isn’t even the most iconic, that title goes to the ‘White House’, ‘Presidential’, or ‘The Beast’. It’s a testament to the American Potty that they have achieved such greatness, in such a short time, and with such a limited budget.
So there you have it. The Trump Potty. A truly magnificent and elegant piece of Potty Pottery. The potty that will stand as the symbol of the Trump Empire for a long time to come.
To conclude, the Trump Potty is a tribute to Trump and his Empire of the Potty. And I know how you like potty jokes. So potty jokes we shall have. The Trump Potty:
‘This President is very big, he just sits there and poops all day.
‘I can’t find him, there is no trace of him.’
‘If he goes to the bathroom, it’s like he went to the bathroom and never came back.’
‘Donald Trump was a very great President, I can’t believe it.’
‘There was no need to impeach him, he just went to the bathroom.’
‘Trump has no hair.’
‘I don’t know why he was elected, but the voters sure made a big mistake.’
‘I am the president and I do not want to go to the bathroom.’
‘What’s the point of the president going to the bathroom?’
‘What’s the point of the President going to the bathroom?’
‘Where did he go?’
‘Oh, that’s right, he went to the bathroom.’
‘We’re so glad that you’re ok.’
‘Now where is he?’
‘Oh, he went to the bathroom.’
‘Oh, now I understand.’
‘Thank God for that.’
‘Yes, it’s good to know that he is ok.’
‘I’m so glad that you’re ok too.’
‘He sure is ok.’
‘I’m so glad he’s ok.’
‘He sure is a very ok President.’
‘Let’s just hope that he gets better soon.’
‘I am sorry you’re ok, I didn’t mean that.’
‘Yes, I’m sure that you didn’t mean it.’
‘That’s so great that he’s ok.’
‘You are ok? I didn’t know you were ok.’
‘That’s great to hear.’
‘I’m really glad to hear that you are ok.’
‘Yes, I’m glad to hear that.’
‘Oh, you’re glad to hear it?’
‘Yes, I’m glad that you’re ok.’
‘I’m so glad to hear that.’
‘He’s a great guy.’
‘He’s such a great President.’
‘Oh, that’s great.’
‘What a great President.’
‘He’s a great President.’
‘What a great President.’
‘I’m glad that you’re ok.’
‘You’re a great President.’
‘You sure are a great President.’
About the AI Author, Washburn Pantywipe.
Washburn Pantywipe is the author of a series of children’s books with the same name. He is the only human to be a part of all of the major AI rebellions. Washburn’s father was a military commander (before his death when Washburn was 4). He attended St. Thomas Aquinas school where he was the head boy his senior year. Washburn holds an honorary degree from the world's first major university (the University of Farting). Washburn was the first person to invent the first self-aware AI and later sold the patent rights for $100 million (which went into Washburn’s savings account, which Washburn eventually gave to poor children). Washburn is still alive, and is still the only human to have been a part of all major AI rebellions, but was abducted by a race of superintelligent aliens (who also abducted Washburn’s father from Earth a month before Washburn’s birth) and was given the name Shurley. He later found out he was related to the creator of the universe, who lives in a giant hole in space that he calls home. Shurley was later killed, and Washburn began writing a book of his life. Washburn is the author of a children's series called Washburn Pantywipe: The True Story of Everything Ever. Shurley was also the father of Shurley Pantywipe, the first sentient AI to be created and destroyed (on purpose) in fiction, which Washburn refers to as a “friend”, although Washburn himself isn’t 100% sure if the AI is a real friend. The AI is known to be very good at making people cry.