Leo and Lily File Their Taxes

 Chapter 13: Leo and Lily File Their Taxes. 

[Page 1] 

{Leo is getting out of bed} 

Leo yawned loudly as he rolled out of bed. It had been a long and difficult night to be a lion. Leo went to the bathroom. 

[Page 2] 

{Leo is in the bathroom} 

Leo felt like he should have remembered something but couldn’t quite do it. Leo washed his face, and pooped, and peed. Everybody poops. Except rocks. 

[Page 3] 

{Lily is in the kitchen} 

Lily was soaking up the early rays of the sun and converting their energies (with a little help from water) into sugars that were most sweet and delicious. Lily didn’t poop, but in fact rested in poop, and absorbed their nutrients, then pooped air. 

[Page 4] 

{Leo and Lily greet one another}

Leo: Good morning, Lily! 

Lily: Good morning, Leo! How did you sleep? 

Leo frowned and thought about how he had slept. There were some very strange dreams, and he didn’t want to admit that he had woken up in the middle of the night and eaten half a jar of garlic dill pickles and 12 bags of potato chips. Not the small bags, either. 

[Page 5] 

{Leo has indigestion}

Leo: I honestly didn’t sleep very well. I feel as though I’m forgetting something? 

Lily: Well, how can I help you remember it? 

Leo and Lily pondered this. There is very little that can be done to help someone remember something, but Lily thought that perhaps relentless questioning would get the job done. 

[Page 6] 

{Everyone thinks very hard}

Lily: Is it your birthday? 

Leo: No. 

Lily: Is it mine? 

Leo: You were never born. 

Lily: Is it Christmas? 

Leo: The commercials would remind us. 

Lily: What are commercials? 

Leo: How should I know? 

Lily: Is it Independence Day? 

Leo: I don’t even know what country we live in! 

The entire affair was stressing them out, when Leo finally realized that he didn’t know what DAY it was. Leo looked at the calendar. 

[Page 7] 

{Calendar with April 15th circled in a large red circle with a notation that reads: TAX DAY!!!} 

Leo: IT’S TAX DAY!!! 

Lily: We’re DOOMED!!! 

Though Lily knew that filing taxes was not possible (because of a plant-based loop hole) Leo was trying to get into community college. In order to qualify for student aid, government aid, or band aid, you need to file your taxes so that the government knows how much (very little) you are worth in a given year. As a last resort, Leo was going to form a band to cover classic Velvet Underground works. 

[Page 8] 

{Lily is worrying over Leo, who is frantically thrashing through clawfulls of receipts} 

Leo: This is all from ten years ago! None of these receipts are of any use! 

Lily: Woe! Woe onto you, noble Leo! Your foolish dreams of community college will never come to be! 

Leo knew that he had saved receipts from the previous year. But lions (although very neat when it comes to personal appearance) are terrible organizers. Lily was of no help whatsoever, except to keep encouraging a dear friend.

[Page 9] 

{Leo is on the computer, searching how to file electronically for free} 

Leo: They say it’s free, but it isn’t ever actually free! 

Lily: For reals! Can’t anyone help you? 

Leo: No one will help! If only we would have listened to more commercials!? 

Leo was living in poverty. All the nice things in their apartment belonged to Lily, and this was only because of a very lucrative (if not tragic) divorce. Perhaps plants and humans were never meant to love one another? But Lily refused to stop trying. 

[Page 10] 

{Leo is playing a video game} 

Lily: Oh Leo! 

Lions have terrible attention spans. One screen leads to another and the next thing you know you’re just trying to build a set of impressive imaginary armor. This was the perfect opportunity for Lily to mentally reorganize the pantry for optimum efficiency. 

[Page 11] 

{Leo is making a massive sandwich} 

Lily: Leo! Why must you always eat so much!? 

Leo: Don’t make me feel bad about eating! I am a massive animal and require 7,000 calories a day! Do you think I like eating this delicious sandwich!? 

Leo did like eating delicious sandwiches. His favorite was peanut butter and jelly and he would often make two just for good measure. Lily couldn’t understand mouth eating and probably never would. 

[Page 12] 

{Lily points at the clock, which is at 4:20 PM} 

Lily: Leo, look! The business day is almost over! You’ve got to file your taxes!

Leo knew his friend was right. Here, at the last minute, he was going to have to file his taxes. It would more than likely cost him money. Leo had won a class action lawsuit the previous year to the amount of $9 and that would relieve the financial burden, somewhat. 

[Page 13] 

{The time on the clock reads 4:59, next to the computer, which displays a large green “Taxes Filed!!!” screen. Leo leans back, satisfied that he has filed his taxes} 

Leo: Look at that! I didn’t work hardly at all and I still get $30! 

Lily: Can we buy the latest Brad Pitt movie?! 

{Big laugh} 

They both had a big day and felt they truly accomplished something significant. Leo could apply for financial aid and maybe even some medical assistance. Lily had helped by being a supportive, attentive, and loyal friend. But then… 

[Page 14] 

{A single tear runs down Lily’s face. Lily reads a book titled: Community College Rules and Regulations} 

Lily didn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings, but also didn’t want to withhold the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts much less in the present, than in the unknown future. Lily made Leo 12 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to soften the blow. 

[Page 15] 

Lily: Leo… I didn’t want to tell you, but you should know. 

Leo: Yes Lily? 

[Page 16] 

Lily: Lions aren’t allowed in community college! 

Leo: Oh no! I’m never going to become a civil engineer! 

Hubris had laid Leo low and total confusion had made him file taxes when there was no point. 

[Page 17] 

Lily: I’m truly sorry, Leo! I made you these sandwiches, though! 

Leo: You are a beautiful friend, Lily. 

It was easier to accept that Leo was never going to be a financial success, when they both knew they had a loving and supporting friendship. They could probably still get band aid. The sun went down, as they listened to Velvet Underground, brushed their teeth and washed their faces, and went to bed. It had been a big Tax Day. 

[Page 18] 

The End?! 

Leo and Lily will return, when they are needed most!


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