The Baker–Liend Explosive Feces Scale (BLEFS) Revisited

 

The Baker–Liend Explosive Feces Scale (BLEFS)

A Rapid-Assessment Framework for Poop Catastrophes

Conceived and developed by Ruth Baker (MA, ABD) and Jeremiah Liend (MA), the Baker–Liend Explosive Feces Scale (BLEFS) is a practical scoring system designed to quantify, communicate, and contextualize explosive bowel events—particularly those occurring in parenting environments, where time is limited and clarity is essential.

The scale was developed in response to a simple but urgent need: caregivers require a shared language that communicates severity instantly, without requiring narrative elaboration. When one parent asks, “How bad was it?” BLEFS allows the other to answer with a number that says everything that needs to be said.

Conceptual Foundation

BLEFS is explicitly influenced by the Fujita Tornado Scale, which does not attempt to measure the internal mechanics of a tornado, but instead evaluates the damage it leaves behind. Similarly, BLEFS does not concern itself with the physiological causes of an event. It measures impact, aftermath, and resource loss.

This distinction matters.
The poop is not the point.
The damage is.

Core Principle

BLEFS measures impact, not blame.

It accounts for:

  • Consumptive loss (diapers, wipes)

  • Collateral damage (clothing, bedding, furniture, animals, caregivers)

  • Sustainability cost (disposable vs. reusable materials)

It does not measure odor, sound, velocity, emotional distress, or the existential dread that often accompanies scores above 10 (the threshold of an official "Poop Explosion").

The Scoring System

The BLEFS score begins with base costs and accumulates as follows:

Base Costs

  • Diaper lost

    • Disposable diaper: 1 point

    • Reusable/cloth diaper: 0.5 points

  • Wipes used

    • Disposable wipe: 1 points

    • Reusable wipe: 0.5 points

Additional Impacts

Add 1 point per incident, including but not limited to:

  • Poop on blanket

  • Poop on clothing (1 point per item)

  • Poop on caregiver

  • Poop on furniture

  • Poop on wall, floor, or any vertical surface

  • Poop on stage management paperwork

  • Dog licked the poop

  • Poop reached a location previously believed impossible

  • Poop is of an alarming color or consistency

  • Poop was grabbed

  • Poop was thrown

  • A bath was required

  • A towel had to be thrown away

Sustainability Benchmarks

  • Theoretical minimum BLEFS score: 1

    • Reusable diaper: 0.5

    • Reusable wipe: 0.5

This score represents perfect containment and maximal sustainability.
It is acknowledged that most sane humans cannot maintain this standard consistently, particularly under sleep deprivation.

  • Operational minimum (real-world): 2

    • Disposable diaper + one wipe

    • No collateral damage

High-Severity Example: BLEFS 17

BLEFS is most valuable at the high end of the scale, where explanation becomes unnecessary.

In one documented case, Jeremiah Liend was preparing to hold a theatrical production when Ruth Baker arrived late. Initial worry and annoyance was eradicated with an acronym and a digit, when  Ruth simply said:


“BLEFS 17.”

No further details were required.
None were desired.
Any elaboration would have been gilding the clear and dangerous lily of a 17.

At that number, the imagination supplies all necessary information. Annoyance instantaneously converted into sympathy, respect, and logistical understanding. The scale worked exactly as intended.

Interpretive Guidance

  • 0–3: Contained, efficient, admirable

  • 4–7: Moderate disruption, manageable cleanup

  • 10–12: Poop Explosion, schedule impact likely

  • 13–16: Feces Event, emotional recovery period required, likely bath

  • 17+: Full Catastrophe; the imagination reels with the possibility

Why BLEFS Works

  1. Instant Communication
    A single number conveys severity without graphic detail.

  2. Emotional Validation
    High scores confirm that yes, this was objectively bad.

  3. Sustainability Awareness
    Lower scores incentivize reusable systems without moralizing failure.

  4. Cross-Context Utility
    BLEFS is equally applicable to homes, vehicles, theaters, hospitals, care homes, and any environment where optimism once lived.

Conclusion

The Baker–Liend Explosive Feces Scale is not merely a joke, though it is often funny. It is a tool born of necessity, collaboration, and the understanding that some experiences are best summarized numerically.

When the score is low, celebrate efficiency.
When the score is high, suspend judgment.
And when someone says “BLEFS 17,” know that nothing more needs to be said.

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