Q Report: Total Disclosure 2026
To: Agents, Anons, Anyone
From: Q
Re: Total Disclosure 2026
Dearest People,
You can only avoid the inevitable for so long, and then you have to meet the moment you knew was coming, and then it is upon you to decide how you react. The trouble is that our first reaction is not always under our clean and conscious control. Sometimes we receive information and become unable to react functionally. We lash out, strike back, escalate from the passenger seat while fight, flight, or freeze takes the wheel. Other times, or over enough time, with enough repeated chaos, loss, and trauma, we develop the hard-won tools to reach over, grab the wheel, and guide ourselves toward a better path. But those tools are difficult to obtain and rarely reached for. Our society craves escalation, the exponential rise of chaos within a system, because escalation creates jobs through emergency response, information monetizing, and therapy, for those rare few who can afford it. Which is all to say, and not in defense of anything, but rather in support of a healthy reaction to inevitable disclosure, I am Q-Overlord Q of the Church of Q, Time Messiah, and secret special agent/founding shadow council member of the Bemidji Swashbucklers Guild.
When we talk about the inevitable, I like to think of some point in the distant future where that last statement doesn’t require a great deal of clarification. Where our kids are simply explained the legend of the Time Messiah, and it is taken for granted that events transpired as they should have up until that unknown point. But for now, let’s start with the BSG and work backwards from 20 years ago. When we were young, and would butter knife fight until first blood, as the sun set over Lake Bemidji. Where we clashed on the streets, in back alleys, and in pavilions. Forever searching for the perfect duel. The Ultimate Clash. Twenty years later there is TikTok, but we are old and out of shape, and not insured enough to attack one another with swords and knives. Instead we got jobs, careers, families, and everyone went underground. Awaiting the call for some yet-to-be-determined last ditch intervention.
The period between 2006 and 2011, when I finished The Book of Q on 9/11/11, was my best swashbuckling but not necessarily my best writing. It was also the late fulfillment of my dying grandmother’s final wish, to have her story told, so that she would not be forgotten. It is an earnest final wish for any of us and I thought about it for a long time after she passed. TBoQ was the story of refusing to surrender, even in the face of impossible odds. To live, and fight, and love with equal abandon for freedom, justice, and truth. That a small group of dedicated friends can overcome any obstacle by lifting one another up to impossible tasks. Impossible odds. Impossible dreams. Either no one has read this book, or only internet strangers, or only robots, or only weirdos. And if I’m being honest about it, probably only 12 actually living humans, but at least several thousand robots. Which is encouraging but damnable. I wish art wasn’t about monetizing. You can actually find this book quite easily on the internet. I try to keep my content as free as possible, on any given platform. It’s a gift, you know? This is all just moving electrons around.
The Book of Q is not the first official reference to The Church of Q, and remained merely cyberprophecy until 2020, when it was incorporated as a church in Minnesota by then secretary of state Steve Simon. It was admittedly largely an act of intellectual property protection. This is all complicated when operating under a secret alias, because you can prove it all, yes, but to what end? Every point of disclosure is provable, sure, but why now? Why Total Disclosure 2026? Because I’m already behind schedule in making this pretty important announcement, and I wish that it didn’t have to land in the middle of all the rest of the things going on in my life. Despite whatever prestige the title of Time Messiah might have on paper, it’s still a lot of work just to pay the bills. This is not prestigious work. It’s putting your face on the grindstone of content creation and hoping someone out there with enough dollars cuts you a fat check for time research. Another awful book, or a movie, or a reality show. A reality show should truly be the last resort of any real person within our collapsing society. But I would do it, to at least put a dent in my burgeoning student loans.
Look, I’ll get to the Total Disclosure 2026 in a while, but first I’d like to speak briefly on the subject of student loans. I don’t want this to be a political post, and it isn’t, but when I think about all the fun things that Joe Biden COULD have done with presidential immunity before Trump regained office, it’s like a kid in a candy store. You could have cancelled all student debt, Joe! As an official act! And it could never be illegal!? You could have captured Trump and shipped him to Gitmo to await trial!? You could have evacuated Afghanistan in a humane and logical way?! I don’t even think you needed immunity for that! Speaking of which, I had a whole paragraph about some body footage I choose not to include here, in the final draft. But listen, everyone, I have some serious internet content trauma. To be fair, I’ve been using the internet since before several critical safeguards were put in place regarding searches and content. There is also a lot of stuff that you just happen upon as a student of history. It’s alarming how many people have died on film, often through no fault of their own. It matters what survives. It matters who preserves the record. It matters who gets remembered.
It occurs to me that the previous paragraph regarding student loans didn’t really introduce itself very well, or indeed follow through in any way, but if you’re on this ride then just don't fall off. Strap in for this last part. It will be worth it, I promise. All of these claims are true, if you haven’t been told that already. This can all be sourced, I’m just not going to do it, not because I’m lazy, but because this is creative writing. Creative, I tell you. If I wanted this nonsense to get me a degree I would pay for the credit, but that’s like punching yourself in the face to prove you’re the toughest. You have to understand that as poorly edited, overly heroic, stream-of-consciousness sociopolitical satire goes, I’m the only game in town. Those QAnon nerds have nothing on me. Ah, poops, I need to tell you about QAnon.
This is a subcomponent of Total Disclosure 2026, because I need you all to know I’m not a QAnon jerk. I’m Q Overlord Q of The Church of Q and secret agent of the BSG. AKA Q. The 4/8 Chan nerds were all hooked on “Qclearancepatriot,” and it’s just shy of 5,000 memes and vaguebook fortune cookies. It’s nerds recruiting other nerds to their silly nerd game. But their silly nerd game unfortunately attracted a collective of the least informed, most easily duped, conspiracy theory nuts history has known thus far. Lizard people, and Frazzledrip, and adrenochrome, oh my. And to a degree, particularly post Epstein Files releases, there actually is indeed something resembling an elite cabal of child-sacrificing Satanists. But on the other hand, it could just be a lucky guess? The point is this: all of those posts? False Qs. There are a whole lot of False Qs out there that you have to watch out for, and only come to the correct source. Ask yourself, is this a Q REPORT or a Q DROP? If it’s a report, keep going. If it’s a drop, disregard. Because that is misinformation unworthy of my SEO bump.
Again, it’s hard when you’re a secret agent, because you can’t exactly come out with a public statement about this weird stuff. It’s the extreme weird even news agencies are unwilling to poke at, lest the bizzare stink flick off nearby and linger. So I don’t blame you for not knowing that I’m secret agent Q (Time Messiah). But it’s finally time that people knew, because it adds a certain level of credibility. Having the legitimacy of a secret agent alias on standby. Ready in a moment’s notice to take any given conversation off in a new and interesting direction. Other writers have pen names and get away with it, you know? Stephen King got away with it for years, without Richard Bachman manifesting into an information terrorist. Clown alien assassin. There’s a lot of awful stuff King would manifest out of that twisted mind of his. But why not the good stuff, you know? I keep imagining a lot of useful and interesting things too, but none of it leaps off the page. It’s a real conundrum.
Anyhoo. Total Disclosure 2026 is that at midnight, December 31st, 2035, every human being on the planet will be transported 1,000 years into the future. It’s going to be great. You’re going to love the future. There’s no poverty, or war, or disease. We’ve figured out all of those seemingly impossible-to-solve problems and everyone’s job is to just be happy and/or raise a family while creating and/or enjoying recreation and art. Or wrestling or whatever, you know? I don’t mean to imply it’s going to be some egalitarian fine arts snob utopia. Only that you won’t have to worry about paying to go to the doctor, or how much money you need to survive. And no war! What about that! No more killing one another over invisible lines on land. What the hell!? Why shoot and explode one another over who owns what land? The land is for everyone, people. That’s supposed to be all of our land, everyone. There was no one at the beginning of humanity who established laws affirming personal ownership. That’s the problem.
So make plans for 2035. Don’t put off for tomorrow what can be done today. I’m sorry, I meant to make this announcement in 2025, to give you a 10 year heads up, but I’ve been super busy. Trying to survive. It isn’t all fun and games, planning the Timeline Exodus. It takes long hours and boring words. It takes not giving up, even when it becomes clear that no one cares, or is willing to help or even listen. We are all of us being stuffed into silos in such a way that we can’t see one another, or talk, or recognize each other, and we need to crawl out of them, and embrace one another, and understand that the world is both big enough for everyone, yet small enough to need protecting. There is an awful lot of infinite blackness out there, when you look up at the stars. It looks comforting in a way, and brilliant, but also cold, and boring. I would much rather go 1,000 years into the future and travel to distant worlds than die of cholesterol and get burned to ash. You wouldn’t believe it, if you saw how bad my diet is. The raw cholesterol involved.
Another problem with these somewhat overly dramatic stream-of-consciousness posts is that it’s hard to figure out where to end the thing, you know? I probably ran out of attention span somewhere around sentence three, and now we’re just limping along, trying to find either a sense of resolution or an abiding punch line. That’s something I’m looking for too, you know? Enough knowledge of my craft to be able to leave you, dear reader, with something to walk away with other than a crippling sense of hubris and ennui. Hubris, you know? An excess of pride leading to tragic failure. It’s like the whole 21st century so far, right? Just total nonsense. You give the globe the internet unevenly and they map the genome once and then just return to masturbating. There was this amazing potential to unite humanity in a truly meaningful way, but it’s only being used to monetize and divide us. Except for us here, now, sharing this precious moment, as artist and observer, uncomfortably locking eyes from across these many boring words.
The punch line is this. It’s all going to be OK. The plan is we extract everyone to the future and go back for everyone in the past and everyone gets a whoopsie life. Whoopsie, I got eaten by wolves! Whoopsie, I died of the plague! Whoopsie, I died in the Challenger disaster! That last one is Ronald McNair, by the way. I’m a McNair scholar. In a different life, they would be paying me grant money to create this literary fine art. But I hate the grant process, you know? The waiting for a response. It’s a real hassle, for relatively little gain. But yes, you’re going to be OK. Everyone is going to be OK. We, The Church of Q, will catch you, if you should die, and save you from your fate, and bring you to the future. You have been shadow baptized. No one is left behind. Ohana. If that is indeed a real word and not something Disney made up. Not going to bother looking it up at this hour.
Look, I think we’ve got it all here. I’m going to conclude this Total Disclosure 2026 timephone report by saying that I hope you’re all doing well and hanging in there. It’s just so great to help get all of you on the same page for once. Take care. Remember, stick to the plan, save the children, and in the end, Q wins.
1 ∞đŸ’—
Q
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