The Witch Hunt.

I don’t know if you’ve been watching the news or not, but there is some stuff going on you should probably be aware of. I don’t want to talk about the cat saving the man from the burning building. I don’t want to talk about dead Kennedys. I want to talk about health care reform, town hall meetings, and the insanity and inanity that is going around.

So I guess there are town hall meetings going on. I have not been made aware of one. We have a town hall in Bemidji, so if anyone gets wind of anyone caring what we think give me a heads up. What’s going on though, is that Republicans are invading the meetings with the sole intention of getting their yell on. I’m going to tell you all, I’m not so sure about the health care reform myself. Not in a crazy way, but in the way that I don’t think we should tax health care [something Obama decried McCain for suggesting during the campaign] I don’t think we should cut Medicare [because we may as well start turning old people into sausage if we cut their health care] and all in all I’m just not too sure that it’s all going to work.

But see, this is why I would like a town meeting. So I can bring up coherent, intelligent concerns in hopes that they can be addressed or forwarded to the powers that control these decisions. What I don’t want to do is scream at anyone speaking. These are quotes I’ve only recently heard;

“Stop lying to me.”
“I’m afraid of Obama.”
“It‘s socialism.”

Yeah. Yeah people say these things. Scream these things. Tea Party people I bet. Savage mobs aligning against change at all cost. Not willing to ask questions or formulate solutions. Primarily because they do not understand how to do either.

See for 8 years we were under Bush, and such demonstrations would be deemed “Unpatriotic” or “UnAmerican”. Making the president look weak during wartime. Sedition is punishable by death. Or at the very least public admonishing. We’re still at war by the way. That’s been strangely out of the news. Yeah. We’ve still got thousands of Americans deployed all to hell and gone scouring the desert for terrorists… for whatever reason. Habit at this point.

What we need is an honest to God witch hunt. Something to get out all that naked aggression that’s been festering. See, when I read the headline; “Protests Staged” and the following article, I thought it was all sour grapes. See, the Democrats COULD have complained loudly throughout the former administration, but they were too spineless to stand up for what was right. Now the Republicans are shouting loudly for what is wrong, and everything is upside down. I can hear the Democrats thinking.

“Why didn‘t WE do this at town meetings!?”

Well… Bush didn’t have many town meetings. Probably afraid of assassins. Also he was the decision maker. I would like to say that I had a speech in the gate, ready to tear him down to a bubbling pile of snot and self loathing, but I had always planned on stabbing his hand with a pen and claiming it was filled with AIDS. Sure to give him a few moments of panic. The SS would have gunned me down like a dog, but that’s their job.

This is neither here nor there. Back to the witch hunt. Because back in the 50s we did this whole business. The difference was that they were Commies and not Terrorists. Still the same idea though. Kill the ideal in an unjust war of attrition. Anyone who would inspire fear deserves to get a hellfire missile in their puss. It’s going to be a rough Halloween.

It came to me when I was having pie with the lady. She had said;

“Would you like pie with iced cream… everyone loves pie with iced cream. Unless you’re a terrorist.”

And then it came to me. That’s it! Terrorist Witch Hunt! I could make myself another Joe McCarthy [who was never really a tail gunner]. Not because I want to see people hang, but because I revel in irony. We will just reset the clock. Forget to learn all the lessons, and instead simply start finger pointing and calling the police. Black balling.

“Goody Johnson called Obama a socialist. That’s terrorist talk if ever I’ve heard it.”

And the offending individual is clamped in irons and dragged away to the stockades. We can get the House on UnAmerican Activities up and running again! Franken can chair! Al would LOVE this shit! The ultimate punch line. We’ll finally just line up those poor bastards in Gitmo against a wall and put some bullets in them. Obama wants to spend millions moving them. Bullets are much cheaper. If I was trapped in a chain link prison for all these years I would welcome the Martyrdom! Once we get it cleaned out we can just start filling it up again! With Americans who are UnAmerican. Terrorists.

“I was at a town hall meeting and that man threatened me.”

“Were you scared?”


“Take him away.”

And like that they are shipped without trial to sunny Cuba. We’ve opened up trade with them again. We can give them our political dissidents and they can give us their fabulous cigars.

The only reason I suggest this course of action, aside from being hilarious, is that the alternative is fighting in the streets. Which I can also get behind I guess. The Republican Democrat Punch Fight. Obviously communication has broken down to the point where caches of rifles are being oiled and stockpiles of nitrous rich fertilizer are being prepared. You don’t have to see it to know it is happening. Chaos is on the wind. The crazies are convinced it’s the end times, and if we don’t defuse the situation with some good old fashioned hatred and fear we’re on our way to civil war. Red Vs. Blue or Grey Vs. Blue it’s the same argument.

“I deserve to keep my money/slaves and no white/collar/black president can tell me how to run my plantation/business.”

“The south are a bunch of ignorant fuckers.”

And the saga continues.

I’m open to suggestions of course. For my part I’m going to start calling in everyone as a terrorist. The Patriot Act is still up and running [thanks Democrats] which means all it will take is a simple phone call to the right office. Inundate the FBI with a watch list of political insurrectionists. Who doesn’t want to see Bill O’Rielly prison raped? Who doesn’t want to see Glenn Beck savagely beaten in the street? Just a few phone calls is all it will take. Surely they have fertilizer in their servant’s quarters? Surely they have contacts in the rebel underground? You’re not aware of the rebel underground? Are you not aware that they claim the south shall rise again?

I’m so ready for the Brave New World I don’t know what to do with myself. Deep larder. Plenty of ammunition. I have 40 head of cattle in arrow range and a chest freezer that will hold a metric ton. I can make a wind turbine out of a kite and a toy car. If it’s going to end in a whimper then I am poised to ignore it and happily farm potatoes for the rest of my natural life. For you out there in the cities I send my heart. Keep your head on a swivel. Happy hunting.


Duke said…
Aren’t YOU one of the crazies convinced it’s the end times?

Popular Posts