Dearest Saint Nicholas,

Saint Nicholas
Basilica di San Nicola
Strada Vanese, 1, 70122
Bari, Italy

Dearest Saint Nicholas,

Jeremiah Liend here. Merry Christmas to you! Before we get to the thrust of this letter, I just want to clear some things up. First off, I am writing to you as the saint, not the fictional and commercial Santa Claus that lives in the North Pole with elves and what not. That guy is fake, but you were a real guy, operating 1,000 years ago to bring charity and good will to the impoverished and downtrodden. I would also like to say that this is the first such letter I have written to you, or the fake Santa, for any reason whatsoever. I would also like to mention that, though I have not met you, I know several people named Nicholas and they are all men of high character and generosity.

Christmas is a magical time, despite all the evil and unrest it causes. I have always considered it magical, because it is a time that those I love give me things that I don’t even ask for. Sweaters and socks and money and all manner of things that I do not expect, but appreciate a great deal. I have always endeavored to buy things for my loved ones, but more often than not I fail owing to my poverty and sloth. Despite the fact that they know I cannot afford to return their gifts in kind, my family and even some friends give me things, and this is miraculous to me. I think you should be encouraged about these things you have created by your good works.

Of course most of Christmas is an evil and vile glut of self indulgent materialism amid global poverty and famine. Though the point of Christmas is to inspire peace and generosity to all under the canopy of heaven, it has instead become a time when a nation of consumers is unleashed from the boundaries of self respect and are able to indulge their every desire to buy things. More often than not for other people, but not nearly often enough for those who really need things like clothes and food and homes and medical care.

I really want to thank you, and the whole host of saints, for the continued good health of myself and family. I know many people this holiday season encountering catastrophic illness and I would like to ask that you and any other saint you may be in congress with, aid and assist these poor families in their time of need. More important than any video game or sweater or socket set or miniature my most important wish this holiday is that those with less than I be given a chance at health, wealth, and happiness this season and beyond.

In addition, if you happen to have a volume of miracles at your disposal, I would request one other thing of you. Keeping in mind that I have never requested, in writing or prayer, anything of you heretofore, I have considered the thing I would as of you. There are many things, and many ways I could use them to the advantage of my community and the world. But of all the things I desire, the material thing I desire the most is a theater. In it I hope to create and inspire, and if there is any financial benefit to it, I would give these proceeds to widows and orphans. I understand that you are dead and that these requests come very late in the season, but hope that you give them due consideration. Say hello to God and Jesus and everyone. Hope Bari is nice this time of year.

Warmest Christmas Adoration and Regards,

Jeremiah TS Liend


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