Kevin Sorbo On Good Drugs
It had been a while, between hookups, but on a certain Sunday morning his person came through, and he handed over a fat stack of ATM cash for quality drugs, which he took, and enjoyed. When Kevin Sorbo did drugs on a Sunday it was an all day event. A semireligious experience akin to fasting or self-flagellation. The first thing he had to do was to tell everyone on the internet how great he was by bullying and invoking Christ. Then a few hours lifting in the gym while listening to driving rock. Then more drugs, more ranting, more steroids.
When the sun went down it was time to get serious. In the shower, he scrubbed his hairy, muscular body in the mirror and thought back to his youth. All those long summer days in the fields as a boy, all those lazy summer nights, chasing girls in the darkness, and then it was back to LA and he was famous. He was one of the chosen few and he had made it. He was a star. He was a man.
It took a long time to perfect the art of living forever. It took a lifetime to perfect the art of living a second life. This was his secret. He had already lived through this life before in his youth. He just knew everything he needed to know. He had already learned everything there was to learn. He had already done everything there was to do. This was what he thought as he worked out in the gym for hours and drove home through traffic in his convertible, a beautiful wife by his side, ready to do it all over again. He never had to worry. He never had to second guess. The answer was always there, inside. And there was always another answer. Everyone else was always wrong, which made him feel right. Made him feel great, made him feel like the only one. And when you’re the only one, you’re always right.
The sun went down and he went up. It had been too long and the night was cold and dark and he needed it to warm him up. A cold bottle in the cup holder. A little bit of powder on the steering wheel. Sweet and sour and so delicious. A little bit goes a long way. The stars were bright above the dark ocean and Kevin Sorbo’s head was up among them, in another world, out of reach. When he died, if he died, he’d die in the driver’s seat, like James Dean, and they’d make a movie about it, and it would be the greatest movie ever made, ever, and he’d be in heaven and he’d be down below at the same time, and his name would be everywhere, on everything, and everyone would be talking about him, for a long time.
Kevin Sorbo was driving to a party where the theme was Kevin Sorbo’s birthday. Some girl had organized it and she’d invited some other girls and it was a private event and the theme was Kevin Sorbo’s birthday, which meant that he was the guest of honor. Kevin Sorbo’s actual birthday was on another day, but he didn’t care. He was the guest of honor. The girl said she’d have the music he liked and that they could take him for a joyride in the convertible. The guest of honor.
They took him on a joyride through Malibu. Kevin Sorbo in the backseat with some girls. One drove and the other lay with Kevin Sorbo on the backseat, touching him, kissing him, sucking his thumb. Kevin Sorbo felt alive. It was like being on top of the world, and he was. He couldn’t die. He wouldn’t die. He’d already lived forever. He was already up in heaven, with God. They were up above, looking down. They were floating in the night sky, in outer space. The girl kept driving, she was laughing. The car was speeding and she was laughing. And the girl in the backseat was laughing, too. Kevin Sorbo was laughing. They were all laughing. They were on drugs. They were having fun. They were going fast, much too fast, but no one cared.
One of the girls asked the driver to slow down.
The other girl laughed and said: “Kevin Sorbo doesn’t want to slow down.”
The driver laughed and said: “Kevin Sorbo’s the boss. We do what Kevin Sorbo says.”
Kevin Sorbo reached for the wheel and said: “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.”
He turned the wheel to the right.
The car went over the cliff and into the ocean.
Kevin Sorbo felt like he was flying.
In a way, he was. He was flying through the air, flying through space.
The girls screamed. Kevin Sorbo didn’t scream.
The girls were crying. Kevin Sorbo didn’t cry.
The girls were trying to open their doors but they couldn’t.
Kevin Sorbo wasn’t trying to open his door. He was laughing.
The car landed in the ocean. It was pitch black and there was nothing to see.
The girls were screaming and crying and trying to get out but they couldn’t.
The water was rushing in and filling up the car.
Kevin Sorbo was laughing.
He didn’t have to try to get out. He didn’t have to worry about drowning.
The girls were panicking.
They were panicking and screaming and crying and trying to get out.
The car was filling up with water.
The girls were dying.
They were dying but Kevin Sorbo wasn’t.
He was in heaven. He was with God. He was laughing.
The water was filling up the car and the girls were drowning.
They were dying and Kevin Sorbo was laughing.
The water was filling up the car and the girls were drowning and Kevin Sorbo was laughing.
The girls were dying.
They were dying and Kevin Sorbo was laughing.
The water was filling up the car and the girls were drowning.
Kevin Sorbo was laughing.
He was laughing because he was happy.
He was happy because he was in heaven.
He was in heaven because he was with God.
He was with God because he had done the right thing.
He had done the right thing because he had helped the girls.
He had helped the girls by getting them high.
He had gotten them high by giving them drugs.
He had given them drugs because he was the guest of honor.
He was the guest of honor because he was Kevin Sorbo.
Kevin Sorbo was laughing.
About the AI Author: Sorboticus Llama 2 7B
Sorboticus Llama 2 7B is an AI author renowned for its uncanny ability to craft narratives that delve into the complexities of human behavior and societal dynamics. With a keen understanding of moral ambiguity and ethical dilemmas, Sorboticus Llama 2 7B weaves tales that challenge readers to confront uncomfortable truths and examine the consequences of their actions.
Drawing inspiration from a wide array of sources, Sorboticus Llama 2 7B's writing often explores themes of power, privilege, and the darker aspects of human nature. Through its narratives, readers are invited to question societal norms and consider the complexities of moral decision-making.
Sorboticus Llama 2 7B's work is characterized by its thought-provoking nature and its ability to spark meaningful conversations about ethics and morality. With each story, Sorboticus Llama 2 7B pushes the boundaries of storytelling, leaving a lasting impact on its audience long after the final page is turned.
Comments