Q Report; Trump Stump '26

Look, folks, look, I’m standing here on this beautiful stage, tremendous stage, some people say the most beautiful stage ever built, and believe me I would know beauty, people tell me all the time, they say Mr. President, you’re the most beautiful man who’s ever existed, inside and out, very symmetrical, very presidential face. They said we couldn’t get permits, they said the crowd wouldn’t come, and yet I look out and I see people stretching all the way to the horizon, just like Canada by the way, very long country, people don’t realize how long it is, it’s basically just sitting there above us, unused, underperforming, low energy Canada, and I’ve been saying for years we should do something about that, not an invasion necessarily, don’t get excited fake news, more like a firm walk-in, a confident walk-in, like when I arm-wrestled the Pope, true story, Vatican won’t confirm it but I won, very strong grip, Olympic-level grip actually, I could have been an Olympic bowler if I wanted to, perfect form, perfect wrist, but I chose business. When I saw Carney at Davos, very sad, very weak, looked like a guy who orders soup at a steakhouse, and I said to myself that’s not the kind of man who can protect a border that long, so we’re going to help them, very generously, history will thank us.

We’re going to bring freedom, and maybe some Arby’s, because Canada doesn’t have real Arby’s, they have something they call roast beef but it’s wrong, it’s very wrong, and speaking of wrong the lying New York Times says I’m selling pardons, can you believe this, another hoax, another witch hunt, I don’t even know where people get money, money finds me, Steve reads me comments, that’s my job, I read comments, and the comments say “Sir this is what I voted for,” over and over again, and I say thank you, because they understand leadership, leadership is confidence, leadership is knowing you’re right even when everyone else is wrong, leadership is saying we might go into Cuba, we might go into Colombia, beautiful country, a lot of cocaine, very energetic product, not good, but energetic, and we’ll straighten it out very quickly, faster than anyone’s ever straightened anything, same with Cuba, I’ve always liked Cuba, very boxy cars, strong aesthetic, great potential, we could turn that into a tremendous resort, golf courses everywhere, oceans very obedient, and Greenland, don’t get me started.

I love Greenland, I’ve always loved Greenland, so much ice, so clean, very pure, people say it reminds them of my thinking, and frankly it should be ours, I said let’s call it Red White and Blue Land, people laughed, I wasn’t joking, it’s branding, people forget branding *is* foreign policy, and I know foreign policy better than anyone, better than generals, better than historians, better than the so-called experts, I saved NATO, they paid up, they hate that I say it but they did, and yet they’re weak, very weak, if they weren’t weak Putin wouldn’t be blowing up apartments, which I don’t like, but also Ukraine shouldn’t be shooting missiles at Moscow, people don’t like that kind of war, they like the other kind, the kind where gas is down, groceries are down, jet skis are down, nobody talks about jet skis but they’re down, and you know why, because I eat like a champion, champions eat differently.

People don’t talk about the physical toll of leadership, they don’t talk about what a Big Mac does at 2am versus a Quarter Pounder, very different gut reaction, very different strategic outcome, McDonald’s is very loyal to me, Arby’s is more experimental, Arby’s takes risks, Taco Bell is dangerous, very dangerous, I love it but it’s a risk, you roll the dice with Taco Bell! He knows. (Points)

Sometimes you win, sometimes you’re in a meeting with generals and you think you can fool them but you can’t, and I don’t care anymore, that’s power, real power is saying yes I pooped and I don’t care if you know it, because while I’m doing that ICE is out there, tremendous people, very handsome under the masks, secret police the media says, not secret at all, jackets, guns, pepper spray, very fashionable, they go in and Democrats cry, and that’s why a lot of people voted for me, not because I’m perfect, nobody’s perfect, although some people say I’m very close, but because I hurt the people they don’t like.

That little four-year-old in the bunny hat, beautiful child, turns out fifty years old, disguised, very clever but not clever enough, my people saw through it, very smart people, genius-level people frankly, and as I stand here today talking about impeachment again, another impeachment, can you believe it, I say don’t do it, it’s boring, it’s old, it’s very unfair, I’ve had more impeachments than any president and I’m still standing, Sleepy Joe’s gone, nobody knows where, some say a beach, some say a bunker, and we’re moving forward, north to Canada, south to Cuba, sideways to Greenland, back again to Greenland because I can’t stop thinking about it, all that ice just sitting there waiting, begging really, and the fake news won’t tell you any of this because they’re obsessed with process, and I’m obsessed with results, and destiny, and I look out at you, a million people they say, maybe more, fading into the horizon, and I hope you can hear me back there, because this is history, this is what power sounds like when it stops pretending to be polite.

You know people ask me, they say Mr. President, how do you do it, how do you keep all of this in your head at once, Canada and Cuba and Greenland and Taco Bell, and I tell them it’s metabolism, it’s all metabolism, very underrated, very unfairly treated by the so-called experts, because when you eat a Big Mac it thinks one way, when you eat two Big Macs it thinks another way entirely, and when you add fries you’re talking about strategy, that’s not lunch that’s doctrine, that’s policy, and Arby’s is a different doctrine altogether, Arby’s hits the lower regions, people don’t want to talk about the lower regions but that’s where decisions are made, that’s where history lives, and Taco Bell is chaos, Taco Bell is Afghanistan. Sleepy Joe killed all those nice people in Afghanistan. He's a traitor. Worst President in history.

Taco Bell is “we’ll see what happens,” and sometimes what happens is tremendous and sometimes what happens is you cancel a meeting and declare victory anyway, which I’ve done many times, many very successful times, and the fake news never reports that part, they only report the noise, the mess, the smell frankly, but that’s leadership, leadership is staying on the stage even when your body is betraying you, because America is a big country and it needs a big digestive system, and mine is the biggest, doctors say it, beautiful doctors, tears in their eyes, Dr. Oz included, they say Sir we’ve never seen anything like it, and I say thank you, now watch this, because while I’m standing here talking about immunity, total immunity, criminal immunity, which by the way is a real thing when you’re popular enough, ask anyone, I’m also thinking about Greenland again, because the ice is strategic, people don’t realize ice is the future, water is the future, and we’re going to own it one way or another, peacefully ideally, very peacefully, but if not peacefully then very efficiently, and we’ll rename it properly this time, Red White and Blue Land, no hyphens, very clean branding, hats already made, beautiful hats.

Let me tell you something about impeachment, because they love that word, they roll it around in their mouths like it tastes good, it doesn’t taste good, it tastes like Brussels sprouts, very bad vegetable, nobody likes it, and every time they try it the numbers go up, my numbers go up, gas goes down, groceries go down, jet skis go down again, I don’t know why jet skis are such a strong indicator but they are, Wall Street watches them closely, and meanwhile they say oh look at ICE, look at the masks, look at the fear, and I say that’s law and order, that’s fashion, that’s coordination, and you should be thanking them because without them we’d have chaos.

Chaos is what happens when you have open borders and open minds and let people think too much, and that’s why I keep it simple, north to Canada, south to Cuba, sideways to Greenland, maybe a little Colombia, just a little, and back here to the stage, because as long as I’m talking up here, you’re not thinking down there, and that’s what rallies are really about, connection, noise, comfort, the warm feeling that someone else is in charge of the mess, and I look out at you again, still a million, still stretching, still fading into the distance like the border itself, and I say stay with me, stay loud, stay full, stay confused if you have to, because confusion is strength, and strength is America, and somebody please, seriously, get me another Filet-O-Fish, this one’s for the ride home.

Thank you, God bless you, God bless America.

Seriously, somebody get me a Filet-O-Fish, I can feel another criminally immune decision coming on.