BSU Destroys The Aquatic Labratory.

Dearest Johnny Q,

Way to tear down the aquatics lab! Well done! Way to tear down square footage even while creating it elsewheres! You know what I was going to do with that building? I’m going to tell you, and you are going to laugh and laugh and laugh and disregard me as a quack and a crack-pot and maybe, if I keep you up enough night laughing, you’ll realize that what originally seems like a terrible idea is, in fact, a great one. If an idea must be laughed at a thousand times then let the yucks begin!

Beaver Farm. Yeah! Say it again folks. Beaver Farm! It’s the damned mascot people! Surely we can domesticate the beaver. Make it into a household pet and gardening companion. Our answer to a sustainable future for the beaver is to explode their homes and dams. They are little more than vermin to most. Rodents with fat tails. But one must believe they have their place. In a land with more lakeshore than California has seashore we have to believe that beavers have their part to play in the eco system. Blocking certain rivers and filling certain lakes. The beaver must be studied, learned from, incorporated into our world.

They are waterproof. They are cuddly. I doubt they bite anything moving faster than a tree. And speaking of trees, did you know that it takes exactly 0 Gallons of fuel for a beaver to fell a tree. If we were to understand the beaver. Find out what trees are delicious to them and what trees are poison, we could revolutionize the lumber industry by letting our friend the beaver fell forests in a sustainable way. Why the hell not? They can train a bird to fly a missile and a dolphin to disarm a bomb, but for whatever reason when I say I want to train a beaver to chew down my trees they think I’m a damned loon!

Beaver Farm. Say it with me Johnny. The aquatics building would have been perfect. We could have housed incubators and had training stations. We could see what their bonding behaviors are like. If a condor will eat from a puppet surely our animatronic beavers could teach them to sew or dance. With a Beaver Farm and Bemidji State University as my ally, the greatest river in America would bend to my vision.

But you tore the thing down Johnny! OHHHHH JOHNNY! First you tore down my theater and now you tear down my aquatics building! You’re like an arsonist with a title! Next time you’re going to tear something down maybe give me a call! I think I can make the resources you casually dispense with create finance instead of decreasing it. For Gods sake man, at the very least we can make fine quality hats. Beaver Farm.




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