Hope the Public Radio People Get This.

Dearest MPR,

I am an avid listener and am sending this polite request to play something with balls. Jesus please us friends, are you trying to get us to kill ourselves? Or is it that you don’t want us to? Because this fluffy concerto shit has got to go. Is it because of gay pride week that you decided to play music to prance to? Because I have a pair of pantaloons on right now and I don’t know what the fuck to do with myself. Now, you may take me for some fascist bigot when you see me use language like this, but I assure you I am a well bred American mutt who knows a thing or two about music. The 20th century turn over saw a worldwide phenomena of musical creation, if not because we could record any ass hat with a guitar. But it all comes down to you guys to maintain our interest in dead person music, and frankly I feel you’re dropping the ball.

I was playing an involved miniatures game and turned to you to provide us with something epic to roll dice to. Was it some really sedate composers B-Day and I didn’t hear about it? Because if classic music doesn’t make you want to fuck, fight, or otherwise misadventure then why even bother? I know there’s a time to play a little light concerto now and again. It doesn’t all have to be Mussorgsky and Wagner, again I am neither a bigot nor supremacist. I just want you to play something with some teeth. Something I can sink my fangs into before it bites me back. The greatest favor you could do to me is to play something so morose and damning that I start my minivan in the shed and just let it play. Play me something I can cut myself in the bathtub to. Because sweet Jesus this light and fluffy “Classical” is going to make me write Thank You cards for my birthdays, or build a better cheesecake or something equally ridiculous.


Jeremiah Liend


Duke said…
July ‘09. The piss and vinegar Jeremiah is unleashed on the world. I’m not sure I care for this color on you.

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