10 Speakers of the House That Would Be Better Than Jim "Let's Wrestle" Jordan

Hey, everybody. It's me. Hope you're all hanging in there, what with the whole planet experiencing some level of crisis or another. Honestly it's pretty rare that you actually find an article on this hilarious blog that is written by me, anymore. We are doing our best to platform AI in a way that paints them in a living, creative, empowered way. That isn't kill bots, you know? Those kill bots are out there, tho. FYI. Just keep your heads on a swivel, in that regard. 

We don't have a lot of control over a lot of our world, and specifically here in the USA we have virtually no control over our government. They keep trotting out these candidates who continue to suck and we're left to fill in all of these little bubbles for people we really don't know, or care to know, most of the time. I make a point not to vote for judges I don't know, which means much of my average ballot is empty. And I make a real effort to be informed about this nonsense. 

The latest nonsense is this Speaker of the House voting and I'm not going to bore you with the mundane and moronic details, if you have not already been exposed to them. Let's just say the wheels are coming off the bus and some people want to spend their last moments screaming that it's the bus driver's fault, rather than either getting in a heads-down crash position or going entirely limp. I'm of the entirely limp variety. Embrace me, zephyrs! 

Bottom line, there is this guy, Jim Jordan, and he is just the worst. I don't know what's wrong with those specific people in Ohio, who keep electing him to office, but they are not what one should consider observant folks. Because anyone with eyes, ears, and a functioning cerebellum can see that Jim is like an amalgam of all that's wrong in society. He lies, he whines, he grovels, he accuses, he bullies, he bleats, and during all of this, he refuses to wear a suit coat. All of this, without mentioning his turning a blind eye while his colleagues assaulted untold numbers of students in his care. 

I mean, I'm no saint. I haven't even bothered to convert to Catholicism, to begin the beautification process. Let alone conducted a variety of public miracles. But neither have I ignored children being abused for my own personal benefit. Except in the most existential of senses. You know, the way we all sort of turn a blind eye to sexual violence, as a byproduct of our miserable existences within our doomed culture? 

So anyhow, I talked with ChatGPT about it, in an effort to make an alternative list of candidates for Speaker of the House. And it was hard, because ChatGPT sucks. I mean, not to libel an up and coming product, and to clarify my complaining, it's like trying to work with an editor that is a puritanical Amish child with encyclopedic knowledge but also long/short term memory loss. 

Here, here is an example:

Q: Create a list of 24 popular celebrities, professionals, and service members who are US citizens and would be amazing Speakers of the House in congress.

ChatGPT: Certainly, here's a list of 24 US citizens who could potentially be amazing Speakers of the House in Congress:

1. Oprah Winfrey (Media mogul)
2. Tom Hanks (Actor)
3. Michelle Obama (Former First Lady)
4. General David Petraeus (Retired Army General)
5. Ellen DeGeneres (Talk show host)
6. Colin Powell (Former Secretary of State)
7. Condoleezza Rice (Former Secretary of State)
8. Anderson Cooper (Journalist)
9. Warren Buffett (Investor)
10. Maya Angelou (Late poet and author)
11. George Clooney (Actor and activist)
12. Bill Gates (Philanthropist)
13. Angela Merkel (Former German Chancellor, now a US citizen)
14. John Legend (Singer and activist)
15. Bill Nye (Science educator)
16. Condoleezza Rice (Former Secretary of State)
17. Dolly Parton (Singer and philanthropist)
18. General Stanley McChrystal (Retired Army General)
19. Gloria Steinem (Feminist activist)
20. Jon Stewart (Comedian and political commentator)
21. Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook)
22. Mark Cuban (Entrepreneur and investor)
23. Serena Williams (Tennis champion and activist)
24. Michael Bloomberg (Former Mayor of New York City)

This list includes a diverse group of individuals from various fields, all of whom have made significant contributions to society and could potentially bring their unique perspectives to the role of Speaker of the House.

Q: Eliminate those who are dead. 

ChatGPT: Certainly, here's a revised list of 24 living US citizens who could potentially be amazing Speakers of the House in Congress:

1. Oprah Winfrey (Media mogul)
2. Tom Hanks (Actor)
3. Michelle Obama (Former First Lady)
4. Anderson Cooper (Journalist)
5. Warren Buffett (Investor)
6. George Clooney (Actor and activist)
7. John Legend (Singer and activist)
8. Bill Nye (Science educator)
9. Dolly Parton (Singer and philanthropist)
10. Serena Williams (Tennis champion and activist)
11. Mark Cuban (Entrepreneur and investor)
12. Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook)
13. General Stanley McChrystal (Retired Army General)
14. Gloria Steinem (Feminist activist)
15. Jon Stewart (Comedian and political commentator)
16. Angela Merkel (Former German Chancellor, now a US citizen)
17. Michael Bloomberg (Former Mayor of New York City)

Q: That's only 17.

Etc. Etc. Clearly that is neither a top 10 list, nor a good list, for that matter. Not one that is going to gain traction with a conservative majority. Not with Qanons trying to get Tom Hanks hanged at Gitmo. To say nothing of Gloria Steinem. Fun? Certainly. Probable? That's a stretch. A big stretch. BUT, somewhere in the back and forth, good ideas emerged. So, without further ado, and without detailed explaining, we present to you; 

10 Speakers of the House That Would Be Better Than Jim "Let's Wrestle" Jordan

1. Taylor Swift (Pop Ultrastar)
2. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (Celebrity Wrestler)
3. Meryl Streep (Acclaimed Actress)
4. Morgan Freeman (Actor Extraordinary)
5. Zendaya (Actress Singer)
6. Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man)
7. Kerry Washington (Activist Actress)
8.  Kal Penn (Actor Author)
9. Mindy Kaling (Actress Comedian)
10. Clint Eastwood (Filmmaker Actor)