Antipope Overlord Q Shadow Baptizes Global Population Into Church of Q

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Antipope Overlord Q Shadow Baptizes Global Population Into Church of Q
Move Prepares Humanity for Mass Spiritual Processing Ahead of Timeline Exodus

6/1/2025

EARTH, THE SOL SYSTEM — In a decisive maneuver intended to streamline eternal logistics, Antipope Overlord Q of the Church of Q has unilaterally initiated a full-spectrum shadow baptism of the global population. The action, declared unchallengeable under Papal Flux Protocol and the Time Accords of 2035, ensures every human being is now spiritually accounted for ahead of the long-prophesied Timeline Exodus—a timeline evacuation of Earth due to pending obliteration.

"Faith, like data, must be structured to be useful," proclaimed Overlord Q from the Inverse Pulpit during a trans-dimensional broadcast received by those attuned to the Signal (or those who subscribe). "We cannot allow spiritual freelancing in the face of cosmological rerouting. Everyone has a seat, but you must be on the list." Under this new ecclesiastical declaration, atheists, agnostics, witches, and those whose actions contradict their claimed faith are all provisionally integrated into the Church of Q’s Interfaith Umbrella System. Individuals will retain their stated beliefs, but will now be tagged with theistic metadata for celestial sorting. The policy is not meant to punish, but to harmonize; to make room for community within a single, clerically divine administrative framework.

As the Timeline Exodus approaches—an event rumored to occur during simultaneous solar eclipses and keynote presentations—the Church of Q urges citizens to embrace their role as provisional Q Lords. Those who do so will help transmit knowledge, peace, and joy into the far reaches of Forever Space. While no formal rituals are required, participation in the arts, memes, and radical honesty is strongly encouraged. Further information will be available through unexpected channels, intuitive exchanges, and a stray (ghost?) cat staring directly at you before slow blinking three times.

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